Longing for a Place Called “HOME”
Do you ever hope to get beyond hurting? Do you ever wish you could stop caring? People of faith come to realize that these two words are intricately connected - hurt and care. We cannot do one without the other. When we care for our Self or care for others we will inevitably find the hurt of hopes unfulfilled, wounds we thought were long “behind” us, or even fill the hurt of having a solution that a person we love doesn’t want to explore. Parents understand this connection of caring for a child all the while being confronted with the child’s constant pains and disappointments. People who are willing to hurt are full of care, and people who intentionally care for others will be in their own pain.
One of the common hurts of the holiday season comes with the longing each of us possess for a place called “home”. Dr. Dodd speaks of longings (one of the roots of our spiritual root system) in the book Keeping Heart. Longings create energy within the heart to move toward assisting the world to be more hospitable (or “homey”), just, and safe with an undisrupted peace. We long for home because each of us needs a place where we can breathe a sigh of relief as we enter the front door. We know we are home when we smell the country ham, the live Christmas tree, and the wassail on the stove. Home is the place where we rest from the plow. We can be our true selves with the people at home - in fact, we are known so well it would be awkward if we weren’t sharing our feelings, needs, and visions of that which we hope. Home is connection, a slowed pace, and sharing of physical and emotional food. Each of us live in a chaotic world that we enter each day to perform to standards, gain money, and be of maximum service. When we leave home we are sad because there is an ease there, a comfort. Yet, we leave home replenished because our roots have received nutrients needed to go back out to our life’s mission at hand.
For many, the childhood home was not a place where the heart was shared, but a place where the heart had to hide. Conformity to rules was more important than the roots and specific shape of the child. Good homes are considerate (link James 3:17) — they balance fairness with gentleness, easing overly strict standards. In other words, homes we long for are those where our hearts desire is seen and honored, and rules are not used to disconnect the heart's connection to the mouth. At home, a person can speak about what is happening within the heart, and this kind of communication matters to those at home. This is true consideration, one person to another.
So, when we go home for the holidays or remember those who are beyond the Earth now, we can feel the hurt of longings not fully fulfilled. In fact, no longing is fully fulfilled on this Earth, yet those who care keep pursuing fulfillment. We continue grieving what has never been at home for our hearts, which allows us to enjoy what is there. The word for this is acceptance. Pursuing longings without acceptance is demanding and can be cruel to our families.
The challenge for us in this holiday season is to not give up on seeking the emotional and spiritual nourishment we need. Our heart is the only organ pliable and resilient enough to keep caring even when we are feeling. So, here are two questions for your holiday season to encourage your longing for home:
What are the sights, smells, tastes, sounds, and feelings you long to experience at home? Write these out so you can start hoping for these specifically.
Make a top five list - top five aspects of your current home you find most fulfilling. Practice mindfully enjoying those blessings throughout the coming weeks.
Written by Colton Shannon, Ph.D.