51 - 12 Movements of a Man: The Order of Love
The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at bryan@vothcenter.com.
The Twelve Movements of a Man’s Life are about a way of living with daily routines over a lifetime. They are about bringing your heart, head, hands, and habits to your relationships and life. We build a lasting legacy one day at a time and one step at a time.
The Twelve Movements of a Man’s Life focuses on the invitations, “response abilities,” and opportunities for men to see who they are created to be, so they can do what they are created to do.
A Reminder:
We are all created to live fully
love deeply
lead well.
Both men and women are created with the desire to live with:
passion
intimacy
integrity
Questions to ask yourself about living fully:
Am I courageous? Do I bring my “full-hearted” participation to what I am doing?
Am I curious? Do I ask questions so that I may learn more? Am I teachable?
Am I compassionate? Do I have enough awareness of my own feelings and needs to identify and relate to others?
The desire to answer, “Yes” to all three questions means you desire to be a competent human being.
Courage + Curiosity + Compassion = Competence
Men are called to:
“stand-up” to bring order into chaos
“speak up” when no one is speaking up for what is just or merciful.
“show up” to fill the void or absence of what is good or right.
The Twelve Movements of a Man’s Life:
Movement #1 A Man orders his life following love’s code
God has directed us, allows us, and moves us to live life with these priorities.
The Man’s Life The Woman’s Life
God God
The Man (Self) The Woman (Self)
Spouse Children
Children Spouse
Friends Friends
Mission Mission
If a person is going to love anyone or any place, then they must be willing to suffer and feel all the feelings that come with love.
They also have to ultimately recognize that they are powerless over life. We have choice-making powers, but we don’t have power over all the outcomes.
Love is worth it, and it is a contract of a willingness to be in pain.
Love hurts. Think of raising a child—all the concerns, fears, heartaches, joys, struggles, worries, sadness, celebrations, daily difficulties, hopes, and dreams.
A man is given opportunity and a calling to
live fully
love deeply
lead well
Love’s code requires that a man operate out of neediness and out of taking care of himself. In doing so, he will be able to have the strength and perseverance to care for others.
Upon awakening, a man needs to:
acknowledge that he doesn’t have control of life
desire to live life to the fullest
take care of what he says he values
Man’s first priority must be God. He must start by reaching out to who is in control and his source of strength and perseverance.
A man must be in need of the Source of Life, God, the Creator, and the One who meets needs in order to have the resources to meet the needs of others. No one can give what they do not have.
Man’s second priority is himself. A man puts himself second for the purposes of personal fulfillment, out of which he will join with and serve others.
Whether we like it or not, we are not going to go very far in life without God. He is our caregiver, dependable, loving, good, teacher, and source of everything that sustains us.
This resource is relationship, not a rote exercise. The rhythm of Scripture tells a story of humanity:
Humans cry out, as they were created to, for relationship connection.
God shows up, in such a way that humans experience God (though He is always present).
Humans are raised up to experience gratitude and confidence in connection to God.
Humans step out to create, shape, and care life.
A man must reach out to God daily to be raised up so that he can, in turn, step out with competence.
Men have to have a self to give to others. If my bucket of water is empty, I cannot help another with their thirst.
Man’s third priority is his spouse, if a man is married.
If a man’s priorities are in order, his wife does not live in loneliness with her husband. She knows that he is bringing his heart and his best to her because he depends upon God as his source for life more than he depends upon her for life-fulfillment. In other words, the man has God-given strength as well as strength from others to bring to her instead of expecting his wife to supply all of this strength.
As we get deeper into the Twelve Movements, we see how often the men who refuse to need God and other men in their lives end up over-depending on their wives. They have unhealthy expectations that their wives satisify needs that they are not created to satisify.
These men either “turn” their spouses into mother figures and expect them to give them praise all the time and/or turn them into a mistress who must “fix” them with sex.
Many women suffer from unnecessary loneliness and martyrdom because of their husband’s unwillingness or his denial about his need for God and other men.
If the man will love his wife from deep in his heart, the returns of appreciation are significant.
Many men who don’t know the difference have been trained to put “mission” or their work ahead of everything.
Man’s fourth priority is his children.
If his wife is loved well, she has inner-resources to love their children better. This supports him in seeing the relational joy and responsibility of being with the children as a Dad, more than just a coach, trainer, or teacher.
It is vital for men to have trusted friends whom they can share their hearts with. Without male friends to share their needs and struggles with, men will:
-become miserable
-become emotionally isolated
-find addiction
-be overly needy of their wives
Man’s fifth priority is his mission.
Man steps into his mission through his desire, purpose, and love.
He is “armed” with passion, intimacy, and integrity, and this propels him to go do what he is created to do.
Man does his mission, but he does not prioritize it over God and his family.
Ultimately, a man’s mission is to make the world a better place.
In stepping into his mission a man protects, provides, and cares for the people he loves.