A Toxic Shame Solution - EMDR
Written By: Beth Ann Mergens (LCSW) and Alex Courington (MFT)
We live in a high cortisol world. What do I mean by that? A body in high cortisol can feel like:
Too many places to be at once
Stuck in task management mode
Missing gratitude and delight in life
Chronic demanding work schedules
Overbooked kids' calendars
Dread of running out of energy or creativity in the day
The belief that maybe if I just try harder I will be more in control.
The cortisol hormone is vital for our focus, organ regulation, and our sleep-wake cycles. Yet, ongoing high arousal can leave us exhausted and lonely - disconnected from those we love most.
Importantly, our cortisol levels are impacted by our past experiences and the mark those experiences make on our heart, mind, body, and spirit. How? Well, difficult life circumstances can do a number on our entire biological system, even events that we don’t call “traumatic.” Overwhelming pain is normative in the human experience; we all face tragedy and heart-ache.
Sadly, toxic shame is an emotion that can keep us from seeking help with the scars left from painful life events. Toxic shame keeps us from seeking the help we need because we assume others have it worse than us, or even that the stories we have lived aren’t significant enough to warrant actual support.
From Genesis 3 on, toxic shame has deceived humanity. The truth is that we are all limited and need to be able to receive love and support. Along with our limits, we all have gifts to offer the world and the desire to give those gifts with maximum service. This is healthy shame: I mess up, I have been broken by life, I need support, and I have A LOT to offer others with my empathy. But in the toxic shame world, the need for support becomes threatening because I should already know it or be tough enough not to need it. So, we get “stuck” because we perform in order to keep others from seeing our true need.
Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing (EMDR) can be incredibly helpful to lower toxic shame. EMDR is a therapeutic tool that helps us become unstuck in the places where we have not found the healing we need. With EMDR, we are guided to target specific negative beliefs about the self (where we have learned to believe that we are “less than”) which opens the door to lower cortisol and increased compassion for our own child within.
One person who has benefited from EMDR therapy recently said, “The emotional pressure that rested on me has dissipated and I can really feel and need for the first time in my life. I can engage and be present in my actual life now”.
We see less cortisol and adrenal fatigue for more engagement in the joys and sufferings of my life.
The Voice of the Heart Center has multiple clinicians trained in EMDR therapy, and our team would be honored to walk with you along this journey to freedom.